Everyone take note! A host of top scientists have predicted that Earth and Mars are on a collision course! This impending devastation, which will wipe out all known life, will happen in August this year! If you don’t believe me just go to www.nasa.thisisnonsense.com

Now we can all let out a huge sigh of relief… We all have another doomsday to look forward to.

After the immense disappointment of 21 December 2012, our fears can once again be channelled sensibly.

Nostradamus predicted that mankind will succumb to [fill in type of disaster here] belched from the fiery bowels of Lucifer’s offspring – [fill in evil sounding name here] – in a time when [a variation of the name Obama] rules the country of beastly wagons of discontent.

Oh, the joy! The end is nigh! Whoop-di-do!

So why Mars?

Because the God of War will grip the world imminently! That is my guess. Something has to happen!

If it isn’t a planet or asteroid heading our way then our wise leaders will find something else to feed our need for disaster.

I predict a war. Yes. Or a disease… Maybe… Maybe it will start again in the East. Those pictures of Chinese people walking around with masks are cool.

The truth is that there is currently no real threat to our survival. The global financial depression is looking bullish, global warming has cooled and wars are few and far between.

We need a sword hanging over our heads! Only when we fear our bubble is about to burst do we enjoy the bubble for what it is – temporary happiness.

Watch the headlines in the coming months and when we find something new to fear – be it a speeding meteor of ice or the second cousin twice removed of Sadam – know that I predicted it.

The time will then be ripe to send me money.

For as Nostradamus said: “When the going gets tough and all seems lost then the people will compensate the man who needs funds for his bird of steel, a toyando yarees.”

So, until we are alerted officially by unofficial (and ludicrous) sources of what we need to fear next, we are all hanging aimlessly on the proverbial washing line, blowing alone in the wind.

Disaster unites us. Collective fear eases our loneliness.

***DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE AND PHOTO WERE PUBLISHED IN TYGERBURGER, A CAPE TOWN BASED MEDIA24 COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER. NEITHER MAY BE DUPLICATED WITHOUT ACCREDITING THE SOURCE – TYGERBURGER, MEDIA24.***

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