I hate spiders.

They say you eat on average eight spiders in your lifetime alone, but surely this number climbs disconcertingly Down Under.

Sometimes when I get out of bed, my wife Sheilah, asks me if we’re going to have a “barbie” tonight. It’s a braai, not a barbie!

Then she will say: “When in Australia, speak like the Australians!”

I hate Australia… Too many spiders… And snakes…

Why do I live in the wacky upside down world of Oz, you ask? I blame some of YOU!

If you have evolved beyond the mentality of a peanut, then you’re innocent, but if you refuse to GET WITH THE TIMES and learn to embrace your fellow man then YOU are to blame for my miserable life in the land of the Barbie!

The maggots of racism have devoured my country! They have doused the ray of hope! South Africa was taken away from me by selfish racists!

Now I must eat spiders!

In the snake-infested crocodile country!

Thank you retards!

Quite what transpires in a mind consumed by racism is beyond me. How one can judge another person by the colour of their skin is plain baffling. If we cannot “all just get along” then there is NO future in this country.

After hundreds of years of slavery and discrimination, the true Africans gave the “European invaders” a second chance. For the first time in history, a regime change happened relatively peacefully. The “Europeans” were not murdered in their beds. Their bank accounts were not frozen. Their jobs were (for the most part) safe. Life went on.

And now…? And now the minority have the audacity to throw the undeserved mercy back in the face of the powerful masses!

Yes, there are racists of all colours and cultures, so don’t think I’m only picking on the whiteys. Since I am one – I’m faced daily with their neanderthalism, so I’m biased in my condemnation.

Perhaps this very act of selective vitriol is where racism stems from… I don’t care!

YOU try and construct a water-tight argument in 50 degree heat in the Land of Gooloogong, Ozenkadnook, Watanobbi and Sydney!

“Have a yarn with yourself. Don’t be such a wally!” says my wife.

She called me a wally… A WALLY!

What a wonderful country Australia is…

I miss insults like “Jou bliksem…” I miss biltong… I miss mountains.

Now I’m stuck in Australia because there’s simply no future in a country which is undoubtedly doomed by dastards…

I honestly don’t think there’s a pot of gold at the end of the Rainbow Nation…

***DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE AND PHOTO WERE PUBLISHED IN TYGERBURGER, A CAPE TOWN BASED MEDIA24 COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER. NEITHER MAY BE DUPLICATED WITHOUT ACCREDITING THE SOURCE – TYGERBURGER, MEDIA24.***

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